Dear December,

Thanks for a good end to a great year.

Be so completely yourself that everyone else feels safe to be themselves too. - Unknown

December Overview:

• I spent 2 weeks in Nairobi, Kenya this month. I had a lot of fun seeing family and friends. I got to see my grandparents for the first time in a while; I have really missed spending time with them. When we lived in Kenya, we would usually see them 2 - 3 times a week because they lived on the other side of town but my grandma and grandpa would sometimes pick us up from school and so I never felt like they were very far away. Now that they are a 7 hour flight away, we spend as much time with them as possible when we are in Kenya. This makes me wonder if I prefer more concentrated time or more time in general with them.

  I think that when it comes to seeing my Shosho and Nana (as I call them) more time is more important to me. Spending a full week with them and then not seeing them for 3 months is really hard because at the end of the week I feel so used to having them around again. The adjustment is tiring and often sad. Whereas seeing them after school and on the weekend makes me feel like they are included in my everyday life.

  

  Fenway and Mowgli

• My trip had lots of ups, and unfortunately, lots of downs. While I was in Kenya, my dog (Fenway) passed away. We got Fenway (left in photo above) when I was born and Mowgli (right in photo) when I was 1 year old. Mowgli passed early 2022 due to his heart condition and Fenway seemed to be quite lonely without him. I can’t believe that they are both gone after being there my whole life. It hurts to think of them not being here but they were both very old and I knew they didn’t have much time.

  

Culture

• While in Nairobi, we attended a family friend’s wedding that took place over 5 days. The wedding was an unbelievable experience and I had the best time. We danced late, put henna on, and ate lots of food. I was a flower girl for the actual ceremony and loved dressing up for it with my family friends.

  

• Where we live currently, there is not a large Indian or Ismaili Muslim population. This means that I miss out on the big celebrations that we had in Nairobi for Eid or other important days in the Shia Ismaili Muslim calendar. A big part of my life for the first 12 years was the Ismaili community and I miss the reminder of the feeling of being part of something so much bigger than me. I remember going to Jamatkhana (Mosque) from a very young age and even if I didn’t understand the Arabic prayers, the feeling of community was always very present.

Update on goals:

• One of my goals for December was to be open to moving back to Kenya while I was there on holiday. I wanted to spend the two weeks observing, without thinking of my life in South Africa. This is because before leaving to visit Nairobi this time, I had already compared my experience in South Africa to my 12 years living in Nairobi. However, Nairobi has changed a lot in 2 years and I wanted to try be there without having expectations.

  After the trip, I reflected and compared. I recognise that I am so lucky to have the experience of living in two very different countries and I decided that I would prefer to stay in South Africa for the next year or so. This is because I have so much more independence and I feel like there are a lot more opportunities for adventure here than in Nairobi. The Western Cape is a beautiful, mountainous area that looks like it has come straight out of a magazine.

  In the past two years, I have changed and grown quite a bit and I feel like my friends here have watched me go through that change. If I went back to Kenya, my friends would only know the previous version of me and I would have to try to convince them that I am a different version of myself.

  On the other hand, I feel like the reason I love Kenya is my grandparents are very accessible to me. In addition, I miss spending time with family friends that I have known my whole life and enjoying the deep-rooted connections we have with them. That kind of friendship comes with time and shared experiences.

  The reasons I love Kenya are currently outweighed by the reasons I love living in South Africa and this is why I would prefer to stay in South Africa for the next year or so.

• Another goal of mine for this month was to figure out what I want to get out of TKS. I wasn’t prioritising it and wanted to remind myself why I want to make the most out of this opportunity. Looking forward, I plan to put a lot more time towards developing connections with people in the program. I think that I forgot how many other people are having a similar experience to me and talking to them will help me feel motivated to push through any desire to procrastinate.

Goals for January:

• Having said that I want to make the most out of TKS, one of my goals is to time-block for TKS and put in the time and effort that I’ve said I will put in.

• I would like to start the year setting deadlines so that I learn to follow them and stop procrastinating.

• I think that with only 5-6 months left in the program it is time to choose a focus otherwise I might not manage to complete it. Completing a focus is something I started TKS wanting to do.

2023 Vision Board

My Vision Board for 2023 has 5 main categories: Performing Arts, Travel, Identity Aspirations, Health & Fitness, and Dance.

I love acting, dancing and singing and would love to be in movies. If possible, I want this start to happen this year and I want to gain skills that will help me improve my acting.

My dad’s side of the family had a family reunion in North America and we travelled this past June to see 75 of our relatives. I had the most amazing time and I hope that this year I can see more of my family and also discover new places.

I want to observe myself and people around me in the coming weeks and try to see if my perceived identity is the same as what I believe my actual identity is. Then, on top of that, I would like to figure out who I want to be and how to help myself show up as that authentic person.

This year, I would like to continue to take dance seriously and do more performances. I would also like to work on my fitness so that dance, waterpolo and hockey become easier for me.

Concept of the Month

Authenticity to me is staying true to what you believe in and the things that you stand for. What you believe can change but your core values and morals should be constants in your life. Lots of people say that you have to “be true to yourself”, but what does that actually mean?

I think think that “being true” means having a foundation of your beliefs that you have created yourself and constantly making sure that your actions and behaviour are aligned with that. It is impossible for us to disregard other people’s opinions but it is important to draw a line and recognise when you start to change yourself to fit an environment or person.

Being authentic goes hand-in-hand with figuring out your identity and so your “authentic self” is most likely changing as you grow as a person.